THE CONFIDENCE YOU GAIN FROM MAKING THIS CONSCIOUS CHOICE
I am all about taking our powers back by taking radical responsibility. I’ve said it before, and here I am saying it again. Because it is one of the greatest epiphanies I’ve had over the years: knowing that how I feel is 100% my responsibility.
I am done with blaming outside circumstances, institutions, government, partner, family etc. for how I feel. I will no longer let my emotional state be dictated by other people. I will no longer let others be a source that can take away my energy and power.
While this realization might have been a simple one to proclaim, it isn’t always so easy to live out. We are so schooled and conditioned, so part of the process, if you are not there already, is the work of freeing ourselves.
The main problem with blaming others for how we feel, is that then we are dependent on others for changing how we feel. If your inner emotional state is being wavered primarily by outside forces, then you will always be a product of what goes on around you. This means that everything outside of you is a potential “trigger”, and that you always have to manage circumstance and be in a “safe space” to feel okay.
Many people navigate life from this place, and even the words “triggers” and “safe space” are now in everyones awareness. I am not saying to NOT be discerning of who and where you place yourself. I am not saying to let everyone walk all over you and to not set boundaries. Being discerning and honoring your boundaries IS taking responsibility.
What I’m talking about is when we neglected setting our boundaries (which doesn’t have to be an aggressive act either, have you ever heard about the “slip and slide” move, or a quiet exit?) and then blame others for how that made us feel.
How you feel is no ones responsibility but yours.
If you are in a healing phase, and you are still finding the way back to yourself, figuring out how to not be compliant, or understanding what your boundaries are, this teaching can be immensely important. For people in this situation is can be useful to shield from situations, avoid triggers and seek only safe spaces—I totally and 100% want to acknowledge that. The first step towards navigating from a place of 100% responsibility of Self, is to first acknowledge that you stepped over your own boundaries. Even in the severest circumstances, I still think it is important to first accept that the power ultimately lies within each of us, as to not give away that important force to an outside source. When we acknowledge that we hold in the hand our power, and our future then is up to us.
We individually have a responsibility for how we feel, and if we feel violated, it is our responsibility to remove ourselves. Where we collectively have a responsibility is that we ALL have a responsibility to respect each others boundaries, and to encourage each other to feel confident in doing so. But you can’t control other people can you? So essentially it is up to ourselves.
Why do we give our power of self away to other people? Why can it be so hard to make that conscious choice of staying contained and in control of our own emotion and safety?
We are so wired to seek approval, and thereby be granted protection by the group, that we will do almost anything to fit in and be liked. The group can be a safe space that protects us. And it can be an unsafe space that does not. While seeking refuge in the group might be a primal behavior, it isn’t one that guarantees us safety.
So, liberate yourself from the need to be liked. Heal the wounds of betrayal that you might have felt from those you thought were your safety, and build your safety from self-reliance and a safe place within.
We are out of touch with our needs. If we have lost touch with what is actually for us, it can be so difficult to navigate life. Not being able to navigate from a place of authenticity and intuition makes it very difficult for us to make decision. We create doubt about ourselves. We might have made a few mistakes, and instead of owning up to it, and allow ourselves to feel and heal the pain of not having been able to take care of ourselves, it is easier to blame outside circumstances and people.
Liberate yourself from the herd mentality. Get in touch with the soul space within you, and understand what life is truly for you. Don’t be afraid of letting go of what no longer serves. Anything you loose by being real wasn’t true to begin with.
We carry a lot of childhood wounds (also known as subconscious patterns). It isn’t exactly easy to set your own boundaries when as a child most of us did not experience that our boundaries were respected. Children deal with their boundaries not being respected all the time, and it is mostly because the adults doesn’t have enough energy or time to deal with the situation differently and encourage cooperation. And once again: This is not about blaming our parents. Our parents did the absolute best that they could, with the level of energy and awareness that they had. When we blame our parents we reinforce the feeling of helplessness we had as children, and we once again miss the opportunity to utilize our power of taking responsibility for ourselves. Just grow up <3
You are responsible for how you feel. You are responsible for how you respond, you are responsible for setting boundaries, you are responsible for your life. No one else is going to do it for you, and you don’t want them to either. The power lies solely within you. Isn’t that liberating? You have a choice in the matter. You decide the direction and the actions you take. Having that power gives you more power. And making the choice to take radical responsibility will give you more confidence.
