WHY RELATIONSHIPS ARE THE “HIGHEST YOGA”

Why do we practice yoga? Because it works wonderful to exercise both our minds and bodies as well as connect our spirit to the universal “God force” in the universe. There are many different reasons why someone would want to practice this.

This ancient/future system has never been more relevant—or more popular—than it is today. Even if we look to ancient times when perhaps more people had a spiritual practice, most was done in secret societies or in hiding. Or it was available only to a select group. In light of this, I would like to make the bold statement that yoga has never been more popular than it is today.

We are seeking, we are waking up—Age of Aquarius and all that stuff. And the polarities of the planet widens, there is a compelling need for us to find ways to to feel closer, and connect more than ever before. Both mentally, and socially through varies globalized methods, and through the widespread of spirituality. 

There are of course downsides to all of it—as we live in a polarity planet everything here has a high and a low frequency. I’m not going to list all of them here. But when we look at some of the positive aspects to globalization like the spread of ideas and communications—therefore the rapid expansions of the mind—or the wide range of healing modalities that has become available because of globalization, it is quite interesting to look at what it all have in common: relations.

No surprise here, we are in the Age of Aquarius and that is all about community. When you’re around other people, you have to relate to them. Even if our ways of relating have and are rapidly changing, it’s still a common theme: relating. 

We can see it in another way, when polarity is expanding in scope, this cause us to seek polarity from polarity which is closeness.

That is why relationship is the most relevant spiritual experience we can engage in right now. This is not only my personal experience, it is also a yogic teaching. 

Yoga means union—“to yoke”—and to bring together. Yoga is a practice to bring together the polarities within. To find union with ourselves, and bring awareness to the infinity of our soul—to merge with the infinite. 

But the “level” after that, is to unite together. Two in one. “Two Bodies, One Soul”—that is how marriage is described in the yogic sutras.

Notice how I said the “level after”? If we have not had an experience of yoga within, it can be very difficult to have that experience with someone else. Many people don’t have that soul expanding and merging experience in their relationship, perhaps because they never experienced it within themselves first?

Now all of this seems very grand, and even philosophical. It does not seem to fit in with school runs, sleepless baby nights, or even just work, business and “social media life”. Most of us just want to know what to watch on Netflix next, so the idea of merging with infinity, much less merging with infinity and another person—seems a far removed concept.

I promise you: it is extremely practical. Mystical too. Infinite and grand too. But the process to get there is not as complicated as one might think. 

Love is simple: Love is acceptance. Love is in the kindness and compassion towards someone else. And above all: Love is a choice.

So how come so many of us have a negative experience of being in a relationship—the place to give and receive love? Well, love is not only what happens between two people. Love is something that you choose to have, choose to give and choose to be. 

Relationships CAN surely BE a deep experience of inebriating passionate love as it plays out in the polarities of two people. When it does, that is a very satisfying and nourishing experience. But as emotions it has its highs and lows.

When we instead focus our relationship on its power to be a healing modality, and a practice– just like when we do yoga–we have a deeper experience of ourselves. 

How do you approach your yoga practice? Well, you first probably had to learn a bit about it, not necessarily gather data, but have the experience. You went to a class, or you picked up a book about it, and you started to practice. You didn’t go in and just started to randomly do stuff. You went in with reverence, an open mind and wanting to learn. As you grew in experience your need for more practices, and tools maybe also grew? Or you stuck to one practice, but you did it because it works, not out of dogma. The most important—what guides you and what makes you want to do your practice—is the experience you have, and in many ways the pleasure you feel in growing, and remembering your soul's connection to the infinite.

In the same way, when we approach our relationship as a spiritual practice, our experience of it changes. 

In many cases, relationships are so normal that we take them for granted. Most of us are not in a conscious relationship that we regard as a spiritual practice. We are not experiencing an expansion of our souls, and we might feel very dissatisfied by the experience. It is not your fault, if your relationship does not fulfill you on a soul level. You’ve probably never been taught anything about relationships at all, besides what you observed happening between your parents. 

Nobody wants to be in a dysfunctional relationship. So why do we end up there?

If you are in any type of relationship and you don’t enjoy it, and you find yourself asking that question: you’re there because of your subconscious mind. Most of us are in relationships that are moulds of our subconscious desires. And those aren’t as reliable as our conscious ones. It can get real messy and disturbing. 

Or perhaps your relationship is fine, you might have found a parter that you are “really attracted to”(red alert!), but you find that you argue over silly stuff, or just can’t help amplify negative emotions, and you end up creating an atmosphere that isn’t pleasant to be in.

Whatever it might be, know this: relationships are here to provoke us.

Relationships are a means to work through our stuff. Conscious relationship are the practice to work on it together. Being in a relationship amplifies our subconscious patterns, and provoke them so that we have to become aware of them, and then deal with them.

But how do you want to play that game? By chance? Going in without knowing the rules? Going in without any tools? Or do you want to be a pro player?

When we work on our relationship “skillset” we become the pro players. The game is more fun, and we can reach higher goals and leagues. We know what we’re doing, and we can have more wins. We can also work out our issues faster, and with only a fraction of the pain.

It’s all quite practical actually. There are rules to a relationship, and there are steps that can be taken, and skill that can be mastered so that you become a better player (and I absolutely do not mean that in the sense of being a player and start hooking up with a lot of people—just, no). 

Firstly, you have to clear your subconscious mind. This is because it’s not the conscious part of you who got you to your relationships. If that is not who got you here, even if you change partner, you might end up at the same place, because the subconscious is who’s running the show.

There are so many systems that work on clearing subconscious blocks or change the subconscious script. The most powerful one I know is called Kundalini Yoga. If you want to give it a chance, try this meditation to clear the subconscious mind.

Secondly, you want to learn about communication and how words affect others. One word said in the wrong way at the wrong time, can tear down an entire relationship. Words are powerful. Becoming a good communicator is a vital step. 

This is largely about mindset, and a lot can be done when you shift your perspective of your partner and set up a good “game plan”. See my 5 “hacks” to improve a relationship here.

Thirdly, you want to understand relationship dynamics. How does the energy flow? Who is the giver and who is the taker? What does it mean to create polarity play? These are all yogic teachings that can be very efficient.

Attraction is something most people leave to chance. But that’s not very sustainable, if we want to create long-lasting committed partnerships. Most people are able to have a bigger experience of the intimacy in their relationship over time, because they start to open more and trust more, and as the layers are shed, deep intimacy emerges. 

And finally, understanding how to build purpose together with your partner, might make you more committed to your relationship in the long run.

Prioritizing having those big experiences with each other is a magnet that can help hold the relationship together, years after years, decades after decades. Of course I am going to suggest yogic practices and couples meditation (or White Tantric Yoga) but there are also other ways. Even making a plan together as a couple, stating common goals and creating a vision. Then celebrating when you win together. That can be a beautiful and conscious way to help create a joined identity.

Relationships give us a huge opportunity to work through our differences, but we want it to be a clean game, not a dirty one. By setting up a frame for our relationship and approaching it from the same place of reverence as we do with our spiritual practice, we can engage in deep healing work, pleasure and find union with infinity through our partner. If we realize that we are part of the infinite–or God creation–we will understand that our partner is too, and that is a huge shift of consciousness that can affect our experience of our relationship in a positive way. This is why relationship is the highest yoga, and the one that is most needed today.